Doomed at first kiss
by Lor-tan
Summary: "I'll be the perfect pawn, and you can sacrifice me whenever you want." RoloxLelouch, short.


I know you'll never find this, Lelouch, so that's why I'm bothering to write it. It's kind of funny, actually. You're such a smart big brother, but when it comes to matters of the heart, you're a complete and total mess. I wish I could make you like that, a mess. I wish I could make you an absolute wreck, Lelouch.

Anyhow, you'll never find this, so I'll say it. Lelouch, I love you so much. Or maybe I don't. Maybe it's more of an obsession. It's not just a little crush though. Yeah, that's right Lelouch. When I say love, I mean _love_. That's why I'll do anything for you. I'd die for you. And I'm pretty sure that one of these days, I will die for you. But that's okay. As long as you're fine, Lelouch.

Hey, can I call you Lulu, like that Shirley girl? You probably guessed, but I really hated her. She was always flirting with you, getting close to you, while I was limited to just being your little brother. She even stole your first kiss. But I at least got your second. At least, it'd better have been your second!

It was during that silly hat event Milly came up with, where we were supposed to switch hats with others and then date them. When we were hiding in that locker, I stole a kiss. Can you imagine? But you were frozen in time, absolutely still. And you had just a hint of a smile on your face. (Probably at how foolish you thought everyone was being, and laughing at how you were going to beat them. You're just the smug type, big brother.) When you were there in the closet with me, I kissed you for the first time. After that, I kissed you a lot, you just never knew. I would freeze time for a kiss from you. It fact, I often did.

I should slow down, huh? I don't even know when I first realized I was thinking things like this. Even when I kissed you, I had no idea why I did it. I guess I finally figured it out after you and Shirley hooked up. Seeing you like that with her... It made me really jealous. I didn't know why. I do know you still care about her, though, and it kind of kills me inside. If I could go back, though, I wouldn't hate her. She made you happy, right? I don't know why I didn't think of that then. Seeing you happy with someone else would drive me to insanity, but ask anybody. I wasn't exactly stable to begin with. And if it meant you were happy, I really would do anything. Even give you up.

That's what I'll have to do, give you up. You're... you're Lelouch. A love like this definitely wouldn't work out. But I don't think I'll be able to forget. You used to ruffle my hair, big brother, and take me riding on a white horse named Lifeline. Of course, ironically, I almost always ended up falling off at some time or another. Just my luck to fall off the lifeline. But it was worth falling a million times just to be with you, even only a little bit.

Remember the locket you gave me? I love it more then anything else in the world. The number of times I've just curled around it in bed and savored the feeling. The feeling that someone cares for me, that _you_ care for me! And I can't imagine life without it, just as I can't imagine life without you.

Jeez, big brother, this is getting messy! Should I organize it? No, I think not. I'll leave it like this, raw feelings in their original form.

Did you know, Lulu, that there is a saying that goes something like this: By far, humanity has destroyed more beautiful individuals then all the other races put together. Do you think that's true, Lulu? I think it is. Because they destroyed you. I know others may think there's something wrong with you, and they're right. There is something wrong. But it's not you. It's everything else, even me, that made you this way. You used to be perfect So, I guess that's why I'll never tell you about how I feel. I really don't deserve to be able too. I'll act like a good little minion, and let you use me however you like.

Big brother, I know that no matter what, you love me. I'll believe no other lies. Nobody can ever tell me different, because I know. However, I know it's not the kind I want. I want the kind where I can pull you away from a battle and kiss you, for no real reason. But you love me in the way one would love a favorite chess piece. I'll take it. I'll become your very favorite piece, the best of the best. I'll be your pawn and you can sacrifice me anytime you like.

I was doomed from that very first kiss.

My dear Lelouch, I love you. Not that you'll ever know. XOXO Rolo Lamprouge.

* * *

Why hello, people who hate me! It's nice to see you again! What you read previous is basically me trying to be Rolo and failing miserably. Rolo is one of my favorite characters in Code Geass, mainly because of simply the way he is. Yes, I admit he was pretty much a blind sheep who was so desperate for just a splinter of love he died for it, but I don't see why that's such a bad thing. I firmly believe that love is rare and precious, because I doubt I'll ever find it. If somebody else can, though, I think it's the greatest thing they'll ever have, even if it brings them pain in the end. If an opportunity to find love comes your way, grab it. The chances of a happy ending is one in a million, but judging by the thousands of shoujo manga I've read, you don't want to miss out on even the slightest chance of happiness.

Anyhow, please review, and feel free to flame me! Byeeeeee!


End file.
